Dating Discussion: If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you

It should go without saying that I am not a big proponent of taking another woman’s guy. I firmly believe that there are enough men in the world to go around and if someone is already in a committed relationship, they should be off-limits. Some of us are guilty of breaking this rule at some point in our lives, so I’ll give you a pass if you’ve done it and learned from it. Remember, no judgment.

That being said, there are those ladies who are so intoxicated by the idea of forbidden love that they just can’t help themselves or they don’t care that there’s another person involved. There are also men who would insist that it’s an unhappy relationship and convince women that they will be breaking things off. It’s just as easy to be swayed into a tryst in that situation. For either of those scenarios, I offer this advice. If a man is willing to cheat with you, he damn well has the capacity to cheat on you.

This is how we handle that situation

I am not saying that he will or that he is cheating on you. There are some rare instances where this is not the case, but when a man is willing to cheat with you, he is demonstrating one of a few things. Either he is not willing to leave his current relationship and want the best of both worlds or he is not mature enough to deal with his current situation before starting something new. In both cases, I would suggest you ask yourself if you would be willing to put up with either of those scenarios if you were his current girlfriend. He might promise that he would never do that to you and that you’re different, but guess what? He has already demonstrated that he has the capacity to be unfaithful.

Even if you do end up together, when things get difficult with him, who’s to say he won’t do that to you? He’s already shown he’s capable of it. This is exponentially truer if he’s done it multiple times to multiple women. Please don’t kid yourself thinking that this time with you will be different and that you’re going to be the one to break the pattern. You could be perfect for him in every way, but it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s about him and his capacity to be faithful. Don’t think I’m beating up on the guys, by the way, this same rule absolutely applies to women.

Let me also clarify that I am not saying if he’s cheated before, he’ll always cheat. I absolutely do not believe that. People make mistakes when they’re young and stupid. If they’ve learned from those mistakes and have been cheat-free for years, this does not apply. I am specifically talking about a person that will cheat with you now. It shows they haven’t grown enough as a person to be honest with their partner about either wanting a secondary sexual relationship or wanted to end their current relationship.

If a decent man is in an unhappy relationship and he is interested in you, he will honor his commitment to the other person and resist his urges or realize that he can’t work it out and break things off with his current partner before starting anything new.

Also, be aware of men who tell you they are single but act suspiciously. I dated one of these not too long ago. I found out after our relationship ended that he had been seeing someone when we met. Not only did he leave me for her six months later, but when I stupidly took him back, he left me for another girl a year after that. Had I known he was seeing someone when I met him, he would have been off-limits and I would have spared myself a lot of suffering. But we live and learn – the biggest lesson I took from that is if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t right. Trust your gut when it nags at you, especially when it comes to feelings about men being unfaithful.

This is your intuition when you don't listen to it.

I won’t condemn anyone who is actively dating a taken man – everyone has their own lessons to learn. However, I will advise that you realize someone isn’t going to treat you like gold when they treat everyone else like crap. They might for a while, but when the dust settles, they will show you their true colors. Look at how they treat the people that they claim to love, especially the women in their life. If something smells rotten, throw that shit out. You deserve better than someone’s leftovers.

XOXO - Katz